When Words are Spoken
by Crazy4pinK
Summary: "No other woman, not even Teri Miller or Lady Heather or even Sofia Curtis for that matter made Gil Grissom allowed himself to emerge from his shadows." Post Leapin' Lizards - A "What if..." scene after Sara has read the letter.


**When Words are Spoken**

After Grissom had left the bedroom - followed by Hank - Sara placed the small tub of yoghurt on the bedside table. Her hand reached out for the remote control pressing the 'off' button and the television screen went blank. She was sitting comfortably on Grissom's bed, – or 'their' bed since she practically lived in his townhouse – hair tied up in a loose bun and wearing a navy green tank top and loose pants.

Her eyes abruptly captured a piece of paper tucked openly inside a thick book. She carefully pulled it out and saw her name and an incomplete address written in cursive letters. She immediately recognized the penmanship – Grissom's cursive penmanship. Curiosity invaded her mind as she leaned back on the bed's headboard and gazed towards the door. Her eyes shifted back to the envelope, opening it to find a neatly folded paper. Setting the envelope down, she disclosed the paper and began to read it.

_Sara,_

_Our parting was awkward.  
I don't know why __I find it so difficult to express my  
feelings to you. _

A simple smile drew upon her lips knowing what was written was in fact true.

_Even though we're far apart,  
I can see you as vividly as if you were here  
with me... I said I'll miss you, and I do._

Another smile formed on her lips. Thoughts from his departure clouded her mind. She felt awful for not saying 'I'll miss you too' to him. However, she couldn't blame herself for thinking that they were in a working environment. One tiny mistake or gesture would throw away what they have worked hard for.

_As Shakespeare more ably wrote my sentiment in Sonnet 47,_

_Betwixt mine eye and heart a league is took,_  
_And each doth good turns now unto the other:_  
_When that mine eye is famish'd for a look,_  
_Or heart in love with sighs himself doth smother,_  
_With my love's picture then my eye doth feast_  
_And to the painted banquet bids my heart;_  
_Another time mine eye is my heart's guest_  
_And in his thoughts of love doth share a part:_

_So, either by thy picture or my love,  
__Thyself away art resent still with me;  
For thou not farther than my thoughts canst move,  
And I am still with them and they with thee;  
Or, if they sleep, thy picture in my sight  
Awakes my heart to heart's and eye's delight._

Her eyes lifted from the letter and again glanced at the door. From the look on her face, she was lost, wondering what the point of writing a letter was and not sending it. Sara didn't know whether to ask Grissom or not. However, she can't deny the fact that what he had written was truly sentimental. His use of one of Shakespeare's sonnets supported his point. No one has ever written Sara a love letter before. She felt as if she was a leading lady in one of those romantic films.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Grissom entering the room. His eyes were immediately fixed towards Sara - whose eyes met his stare. With her hands still gripping on his letter, silence overwhelmed the dim-lighted room.

"Sara," Grissom finally breathed as he watched Sara refolding his letter and concealing it back inside the envelope. His feet slowly led him towards the bed; Sara not leaving her eyes off him. She watched as he sat on the edge of the bed just beside her knees and facing her.

Sara flashed him a small smile, "I would have been glad to receive this."

"I know," he sighed.

"How come you never sent it?"

He paused. "I was a coward."

Surprised by his response, Sara raised an eyebrow, "Gil –"

Grissom touched her knee and squeezed it gently as a sign of wanting to say something. Sara accepted the gesture and fell silent, patiently waiting for his words. He noticed her brown orbs glancing intently at him, as if searching for an answer.

"Sara," he started off, "I meant every single word I've written in that letter."

"I know that," she whispered.

"How come I never sent it? I don't know why," he exhaled deeply, "Maybe, I wanted to say these things to you in person… although, we both know that I will never have the nerves to accomplish that," he said prior to a light chuckle. Sara couldn't help but smile warmly at him as she took his hand and held it, "You're doing fine, Gil," she said. For over a year and half they've spent together as a couple, Sara knew that they share a mutual aspect when it came to communication; however, in her perspective, she knew that she over speak her mind sometimes around him.

He smiled back at her reassurance and eased up forward to reduce the space between them. "Sometimes… I would wonder what people think of me," he said, earning a scrunched expression from Sara. "Yet there is no doubt I'm classified as a workaholic. Nonetheless, I couldn't blame them as I honestly consider myself as one." Sara gave him a questionable 'ok' look as he continued, "This career has completely consumed my holistic life, taking my personal life – Wait. No, no, I'll take that back."

With Grissom's lips slightly agape, a rather bewildered Sara was staring back at him. "Where… are you going with this?" she asked.

"I once told Catherine that I never screwed up one of my cases with personal stuff," he paused, "She insinuated that… I have none; and that I let myself concealed in this house, watch Discovery Channel and do crossword puzzles… alone… having no relationships and no chance any will slop over into a case." Grissom swallowed the big lump in this throat as Sara noticed the minor pain hiding behind those blue orbs. Her hand reached to his face as she caressed his cheek with her thumb. Grissom leaned against her delicate touch, amazed by how her small gestures can immediately lighten up his emotions. Sara pursed her lips into a smile, "Well, you certainly proved her wrong."

"I did, didn't I?" he nodded, "Though I could care less about other people's views, I thought it was time for me to prove that I can have something far more…" he paused to find the right words, "…far more significant beyond my… interest… in forensics."

"Have you found it yet?" she whispered softly.

"I have, indeed," he said, half-smiled. Sara vaguely titled her head as she waited for Grissom to say more. Instead, he took both of her hands and secured the minimal space between them. His hand grazed her back as the other continually stroked her silky, brown tresses. He felt Sara's arms embracing him tightly. She could hear his heart beating against his chest. Gil Grissom may be the most subtle and inarticulate man; nonetheless, Sara understood his actions clearly and she was touched by his words, feeling a special sanctuary enclose her.

"The day you told me about your father, I felt that I have gained your trust," he continued as he felt Sara's body became stiff; the memory diffused her thoughts. "I know how hard it was for you to do that." He placed a tender kiss on her hair. "Every time before I close my eyes to sleep, I think about how my life has changed since I let you in… since I've finally let myself fall for you." Sara shut her eyes close, drinking every single word emerging from his lips. "All those years, I thought Catherine's words were unbreakable. But I never realized that it only takes one person to break them - to show me this alternative path to existence, away from everything else apart from you."

Droplets of emotion cascaded from Sara's brown orbs, unable to force them inside any longer. She held onto him, as if he was going to disappear if she released him, realizing that Grissom was the only person who made her feel loved and needed. After her traumatic childhood, moving from one foster care to another, Sara Sidle was finally able to embrace a life that she had been longing for. Never again, she thought, she will ever be alone.

Grissom reluctantly opened the space between them. The sight of her drew a smile upon his lips, knowing her tears were not inflicted by pain but by happiness. He tucked several strands of hair behind her ear then his fingers worked their way to lightly brush the overflowing of water escaping from her eyes; his touch made her shiver.

"Do you have any idea what I wanted to do before you had to leave?" Sara managed to choke out between her sobs. Not waiting for a reply from him, she answered her own query, "I wanted to tell that I'll miss you too. I wanted to embrace you where you were standing." Sara's eyes glistened as another set of droplets forced their way out. "I wanted to hold your hand and escort you to your cab. I wanted to help you load your things inside. I wanted to tell you that I'll be waiting for your return; tell you to take care of yourself. I wanted to say 'I love you' and kiss you goodbye." She then shook her head in defeat. "But we can't do that, right?"

Grissom felt his own tears welling up inside him. He never realized how much Sara was hurt. He lifted her chin up and met her eyes in loving gaze; their faces inches apart from each other. "Sara, I'm so sorry for… not letting you know properly about my sabbatical," A look of guilt dispersed on his face, "I don't know what I was thinking, but I do know I've hurt you. Again. If you want to slap me, be my guest. I deserve it." He took her hand in his, stroking the top of it with his thumb. "I hated myself, Sara, I really did. Sometimes, it drives me insane as to why I can't figure out why someone as young and beautiful as yourself would ever go for a socially inept man like myself!" Sara was about to protest but Grissom continued to rambled on, "God, it scared me so much! But, believe me, Sara; I'm trying my best to show you how much you mean to me. I may not have the words, but… the feelings are definitely there. Sara, I'm not a robot -"

"Nobody is saying that you are one." Sara shifted her hand and was now cradling his hand to calm him down. "Grissom, I've seen you beyond what other people think," she reassured him and paused for while, "Do you remember that case we've had 6, 7 years ago? About this family who stage their baby's death? The one with the Anderson's?"

"Yeah, I do," Grissom nodded.

"I saw how mad you were. I saw how upset you were," she gave his hand a little squeeze. "Your eyes gave it away. You had empathy for the baby. You told me the victim was special."

Grissom fell silent.

Sara sighed and entwined their fingers. "Gil, I don't expect you to know everything about handling a relationship. You think I know everything, do you?" she flashed him a smile, "I don't, Gil. I'm just as hopeless as you are."

He couldn't help but return her gesture, yet he had to ask, "You really think I'm hopeless?"

Her soft giggles suddenly filled the entire room, showing him her cute gap-toothed smile (or as the team would like to call it: The Sidle Smile) which made him grinned coyly.

Grissom reached out to touch her cheek, "I feared that one word could mess everything up. But let me tell you something: One day, I'll have the courage to open up to you - with! No hesitations and you're gonna need the power to shut me up," he beamed.

"And that day… is today," Sara pursed her lips in a smile and Grissom gave her a puzzled look. "You've got nothing left to prove. You've done it. I heard everything what's in here," she said as she laid her hand on his chest where his heart was. Her intimate display of affection towards him never ceased to make him feel… contended, he supposed. She resembled his mother in so many ways - a loving woman, caring and understanding.

No other woman, not even Teri Miller or Lady Heather or _even_ Sofia Curtis for that matter made Gil Grissom allowed himself to emerge from under his shadows. He'll never know how someone like Sara has done it but he couldn't care less.

He was finally happy.

All he knew was that she had brought an exciting adventure to his life – new and fully unexplored.

Grissom caught his breath and lifted his hand to capture hers, giving it a tender kiss as Sara's lips turned upward. There were moments like this where they would both unconsciously look at each other, lost for words, yet eyes were adept to speak for themselves.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

A little distraught, Sara reached for her mobile phone from the study table across the room. Grissom eyes followed her movements as she flipped the device open. Sara rubbed the back of her neck and tilted her head upward. "You gotta be kidding me," she groaned in defeat.

"What is it?"

"419 at the Bellagio's."

"But it's your night off," Gil protested, "And why didn't they call me instead?"

Sara shrugged her shoulders and sighed, "Sorry, Bugman. You're gonna have to sleep on your own tonight," she smirked.

Grissom chuckled from her teasing. "Nah, I'll keep my hands busy for a short time."

"I see. Your miniature office."

It was no doubt that Grissom turned out to be truly fascinated about the cases of the Miniature Killer that he started building his own miniature replica of his work office. Sara was a little creeped out at first, but then again, this is Dr. Gilbert Grissom she was thinking about - The man with a fetal pig in a jar; bugs scattered all over his office and a novelty humming fish as an entry signal for his office door. Nonetheless, to Sara and everybody else who knew him well enough, it was pretty much close to normalcy.

"You gonna be ok for a while?" she asked.

He nodded, "Yeah."

"Alright."

Sara always hated being called in at work during her nights off; especially when she shared the same nights off with Grissom. She sighed once more before her feet dragged her on the way to the bathroom, but was suddenly stopped by Grissom. "Sara," he called as he caught up with her with his hand running down her bare arm to capture her hand. As she turned around to respond, she felt a pair of soft lips pressed firmly against her own. She was taken aback at first but then her eyes fluttered close to savor the moment and felt her body relaxed around his arms. Her hands automatically rested around his neck as her fingers tangled with his tresses. Grissom's arms encircled her waist, pulling her closer that sent engulfing waves of passion and desire inside him. He traced her bottom lip with his tongue, begging for an invitation which she gladly accepted and they lost themselves in each other's embrace.

Normally, as much as they both want to take this further, Sara retrieved her lips from Grissom's, in desperate need for oxygen. As their individual arms remained where they were, they kept their eyes fixed at one another.

Grissom placed a tender kiss on Sara's forehead before his ocean eyes met her chocolate orbs once more. "I love you," he whispered, earning a loving smile from her.

"I love you too, Gil," Sara breathed out as her hands travelled down his chest and around his waist, resting her head on the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. "I think this is one of the best talks we've had."

"What were the other ones?" he asked.

"I lost count."

Sara's answer intrigued him. If he remembered correctly, they barely had these kinds of 'talks' where he ended up having to say the most. There were no words to elaborate how good it made him feel - as if the walls surrounding his heart have erroded. Though it irritated him how there were no direct explanations when it comes to feelings - or romance for that matter. Why can't it be as easy as learning bugs or radiation? Ah well, so much for purchasing books about relationships. Who needs them when you have Sara Sidle as your mentor, right?

**End**

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**A/N:** This is my first fanfic and consider me as the newest GSR/CSI fanatic! I've started watching the show around early August this year and I was literally hooked up. I even bought the boxset even just after a week of watching it on TV (crazy, right?) Anyways, hope you enjoyed the story. Reviews are always welcome (even critisism).


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